Bill's Presidential Platform, Part 1: Immigration

It's official. We now know that Hilary is out (yay!), and Obama and McCain are going to be battling it out for the next, oh, five LONG months. So, it is also official that this is going to be a battle to see who is the lesser of two evils. I trust Obama to make good on his promises more than any politician I have ever trusted in the past, yet I don't like his promises. On the flip side, I don't trust John McCain. And I think he is waaaay too liberal on some things (global warming, immigration, etc). So I will probably vote for him. Or not at all.

I am too young to run for President but, when I am old enough to do so in four years, my wife would kill me if I tried, so I guess I will never be president. So I am laying out my presidential platform, in hopes that someday some person will pirate it off of me.

First lesson for that person? At a debate, actually answer the questions. Don't dance around them, don't be politically correct, don't diss your opponent, just ANSWER THE DAMN QUESTION. You will most likely really impress people who like your platform.

So, follows my Immigration Plan:

1) Everybody who is here illegally, GO HOME! That doesn't mean we don't want you back (see below), but if you GO HOME now, you will increase your chances of being able to come back and not have to worry about looking over your shoulder all day.

2) Mexicans (IN MEXICO) and other non-Americans (IN THEIR OWN COUNTRIES) who want to work in the US can apply at the US Embassies IN THEIR OWN COUNTRIES for a two year work permit. They will fill out the application IN THEIR OWN COUNTRIES. They will submit the fingerprints IN THEIR OWN COUNTRIES. They CANNOT do this once they are in the US. They MUST GO HOME!

3) Based on current employment conditions, the US will pick applicants via lottery to come in THROUGH A BORDER CHECKPOINT with their PURPLE CARD (work permit) for their two year work term. They have ONE MONTH (generous) to find a job. If they lose their job, they have ONE MONTH to find another one. During their work period, they have NO access to social services (welfare, food stamps, education). Medical care will be provided by a fund that is funded by a special tax on them

4) At the end of their two years, they may apply again on their way BACK HOME. Or, they can also apply for the citizenship process at this time.

5) Anybody EVER found here illegally will be removed from the country and will NEVER be eligible for citizenship. State, county, and local governments will be required to process illegals through their court system. Failure to do so will result in losses of federal funding.

6) All persons wanting to apply for US citizenship will be required to have gone through one term as a guest worker, to learn English, and to take a citizenship exam that requires a few months of study.

7) While here as a guest worker, instead of social security taxes, they will pay a guest worker tax to cover medical care for guest workers.

8) Guest workers will be allowed to drive if they purchase AMERICAN car insurance.

9) Conviction of any crime resulting in a jail or prison sentence will result in deportation after the sentence is complete, and a permanent ban from the US. Conviction of ANY drug crime or sex crime that results in a non-jail sentence will result in an IMMEDIATE deportation and lifetime ban.

10) ENGLISH will once again be the official language used in the USA. No business or government agency or form or sign will be required to be bi-lingual.

11) THE FENCE WILL BE BUILT. A DOUBLE CHAIN-LINK FENCE WITH AN ACCESS ROAD IN BETWEEN AND CAMERAS AND SENSORS. There will be NO MORE EXCUSES. You wanna come in or out? We have plenty of LEGAL border crossings. THERE IS NO REASON NOT TO BUILD THAT DAMN FENCE OTHER THAN WANTING ILLEGALS TO CROSS THE BORDER, you stupid politicians.


See, the plan is beautiful in it's simplicity. It gives everybody a chance and removes the riff-raff.